Nicky-tita, tell me what's wrong

The Latest Non Exhaustive Gauche Exceptions To The Latest Things Nicky Haslam Finds Common

Like manna from heaven or the commandments at Sinai, this week urgent news broke that Nicky Haslam (interior designer, author, cabaret singer, book reviewer, art editor, memoirist and professional snob), has bestowed upon the halls of Selfridges his annual mantras for the populace. The Latest Things Nicky Haslam Finds Common, a printed tea towel bearing 39 tragedies of the commons, is now available for purchase. 

At Gauche, we love a list, but we also love an exception to the rule. In trademark contrarian style, we beg to differ: see below, the uncommon in the uncouth. 

The Latest Non Exhaustive Gauche Exceptions To The Latest Things Nicky Haslam Finds Common 

Item: Destination weddings
Exception: Brighton

Item: Food festivals
Exception: The Tunbridge Wells Sausage and Cider festival feat. Toploader and Scouting for Girls

Item: Fire pits
Exception: When used in voodoo ritual 

Item: First course with lunch
Exception: Making a martini your starter

Item: Not having first course at dinner
Exception: Explaining you’re going sober

Item: ‘The elephant in the room’
Exception: When used as a subject heading for a work email

Item: Inquiries into
Exception: When used to describe stalking a crush on LinkedIn 

Item: Collecting baskets
Exception: Basket cases

Item: Rescue dogs
Exception: Alsatians

Item: Barn conversions
Exception: Into pleasure dungeons

Item: Historical reenactments
Exception: The Storming of the Capitol, January 6th 2021 (something the Democrats could now learn from)

Item: WhatsApp
Exception: WhatsApp archive

Item: ‘What does that come with?’
Exception: When offered poppers