Les Olimpifs

Who's carrying our torch?

The month-long ceremonies for Akash Ambani and Shloka Mehtas’s wedding constituted, by most estimations, the party of the year. Rihanna, Tony Blair, Kim Kardashian, John Cena and all manner of celebrity passed through the hallowed properties of the richest man in Asia. And they loved it.

Tough blow for the world’s second biggest starfucker, Emmanuel Macron, who’s only managed to bag Snoop Dogg and Charles Leclerc for the Paris Olympics Torch Bearing Ceremony. Two men who can keep a flame alive, at least for us. 

It’s got Gauche thinking; who are our torch bearers? Behold the list.

Lily Collins, iPhone in hand (bien sur)

Amelia Dimz (might momentarily quell the barrage of ‘you’ll never guess who I’ve just seen’ messages from friends recently moved to Hackney)

Anyone brave enough in a burkha (Sacha Baren Cohen could be persuaded)

Ridley Scott, followed (chased) by an entourage of Napoleonic academics 

Kaleb Cooper (seems keen to travel, a true cultural ambassador for the British)

The Gilet Jaunes 

On the working man theme, all the firefighters of Paris who aren’t too wiped out from recent Bals des Pompiers (what side of TikTok are you on? (There’s a naked flame about, it’s a necessity))

Serena Van der Woodsen

Mike Faist and Josh O’Connor (we’d all like to be in Paris with them)

Stormzy and Maya Jama who recently elevated the conscious uncoupling announcement to self-mythologising levels. Very modern and dare we say, very French

Our very own Will Hosie, who is, we’re proud to reveal, a frog